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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Secret Identity of Zoozoos

Once the dust from the money making binge sporting event called IPL2 settles down, people are going to be left talking about one thing: How the KKR royally screwed up. Wait-a-minute, that is the current topic of discussion, although the insane laughs provoked by them, could very well be from the neighborhood Laughter Club. I must resist the temptation to joust with this rather harmless group of knights and get back to my conspiracy theory for the day.

Which involves the Zoozoos. Like 'em or Hate 'em, you cannot ignore 'em. People are going to be talking of them long after the IPL is done with. I thought I would get ahead of the pack by disclosing their (secret) identities. They are *Hold your breath* Mallu*. Allow me to disclose my findings, shocking as they may be:

1) Physical Appearance: Any beer/toddy guzzling, meat eating Mallu worth his salt will have, diplomatically speaking, a chubby figure. Take a close look at the Zoozoos: The beer belly, the cherubic face, the short stature and the smooth, fair complexion(Ok, maybe not that last one) all display startling similarities to our physical appearance.
2) Cuisine: The 'International Roaming' ad portrays a male Zoozoo following, what is hopefully, a female Zoozoo begging for "Poottum Kadalayum" and "Kappayum meenum". These are probably the only two things that would make us Mallu guys chase the lady of our dreams around the world(most other times we just find another lady-of-our-dreams closer to home). You wouldn't believe the number of romantic Malayalam movies with plot lines cooked around these venerable dishes.
3) Behavior: Did you see the 'Group SMS' Zoozoo Ad? If so, you would have noticed how quickly(and effectively) the Zoozoos gang up on people, a trait inspired by us. Any Industrialist in Kerala, which I hear is a mythological creature similar to the hobbits, would let you know how quickly we can gang up, float a left leaning party and lock down any signs of Industrial Progress.
4) Romantic Conquests: Our romantic conquest are such tragic defeats that volumes have been written on it. I haven't helped the cause by revealing key plot elements of Mallu romantic flicks. Which brings us to the 'Dating tips' ad and how it might have been inspired from real life. It is quite possible that one of our very own Casanova would have gifted a Jack-In-the-box to his loved one. You have to understand that ever since the recession hit us, things have been bad: a spring and a stuffed boxing glove are all that we can afford nowadays.
5) Nada/Zilch: This last point has been put up to convey the impression that this is a well thought out post, which is a rather silly thing to expect on this blog. If you have any further thoughts on my theory, do voice it out in the comments!

Mandatory Disclosure: This post has been written by a true blue Mallu, the kind that does not hesitate to take a dig at my own community. Although most of this post is exaggerated satire, I am expecting (quite) a few will not get the joke and be offended by it. I have a few words for them: "Mathaikku ithu verum pulla".


  1. Lol! Interesting analysis! :D

  2. @crazytwism, pullalla.. $%^$^%^&%^

  3. Amazing post!! I love the zoozoo's and yeah the words do appear in the International Roaming ad.

    Well after reading this post. I would see all my mallu friends stuffed into the ZooZoos including you.

    Disclaimer is simply awesome. :-)

  4. Awesome analysis!!! Can I call you a CrazyZoo now?? :D
    BTW, what does the last line mean??

  5. @Kadambari: Thanks, but I cant figure how you mistook stating facts as analysis! :P

    @Skv4ever: I skipped that because this is supposed to be a family oriented blog, fit for general consumption. Yeah, right!

    @Prats: Thanks pal! I dont think I will ever fit into that suit :)

    @Radz: Thanks! I have no objections with the new tag! The last line politely tells folks who take offense that "I dont give a damn" :D

  6. Hey, the creative head of ZooZoos is a Malayalee.

  7. Ha ha ha!! I'd have never thought of that Sherlock! Being a Half Mal myself :) LOL ! ! ! ! !

  8. I love zoozoos! loved ur post!

  9. LOL. there is _actually_ an article on Wikipedia called 'Mallu'..! i'm sure some mal-loathing northie came up with it. or a true-blue-mal-loathing fraud-mal. ;)

    nice post! nothing beats the opinion of a Mal who likes to take a dig @ his/her own community. ask me! hehe.

  10. @arvindjose: Yeah! I was aware of that! :)

    @Tangerine: Thanks! Keep visiting! :)

    @fartingpen: Elementary my dear Watson! :P

    @thenewbnb: Yeah. I was expecting some hate tweets here though! :D

    @partywithneha: Glad that you found it interesting! Keep visitng! :)

  11. da.. U r a Mallu?
    hmm..should ve guesssed..
    only a Mallu can take a dig at his owm community without batting an eye lid :P
    addipolli post!!
    Mallu using Fair and LOWEly(for the complexion) :P

  12. Nitrammmm..Come Backkk.I miss reading ur blogsssss:'(